


When Hope Was High and Life Worth Living

by Emrys MK (mk_malfoy)



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, Yule
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:20:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21547486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mk_malfoy/pseuds/Emrys%20MK
Summary: Yule has come round once again and Merlin is still waiting for Arthur. But... Arthur is there. He has always been there, right by Merlin's side. Only in dreams is he not there.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 113
Collections: WinterKnights 2019 - a Merlin Winter/Holiday Fest





	When Hope Was High and Life Worth Living

**Author's Note:**

> A short ficlet that popped into my mind this morning. It is angsty, yes, but there is a happy ending. 
> 
> The title is from _I Dreamed a Dream_ from _Les Miserables_.

Off in the distance Merlin heard the familiar sounds of Christmas carols. Someone must be enjoying the beautiful winter day on the other side of the lake, where the younger generations gathered these days to enjoy nature and each other’s company. Someone laughed. A child’s squeaky little voice called out for their mummy. 

Merlin yawned and silently called out to Arthur as he leant back and closed his eyes. “Can you hear them, Arthur? Uni let out yesterday for the holidays and the kids are enjoying their time off. If you were here I expect you would be over there with them, showing them the correct way to skip a rock, because, of course no one could possibly do it better than you.”

He shook his head. Why did he still talk to Arthur? It was unlikely his king was ever coming back. Yes, Kilgharrah had said he would, but hadn’t the great dragon said many things that had not come to fruition? And, really, most of the bad things that had happened that led to Arthur being where he now was had been instigated by the surly dragon.

But Merlin held on to those final words as if they were his lifeline. No matter how silly it was for him to still have hope, he did. He always would. No matter how much time passed, Merlin would await Arthur’s return. 

And he had waited a long while.

It had been nearly 1500 years since Merlin last set eyes upon Arthur, and the world was a vastly different place these days. No more did Merlin ride his horse through the wood to sit and talk to Arthur, and no longer did he sit in silence as he awaited his beloved’s return.

Electricity, technology, knowledge… it had all combined to make the day-to-day existence easier in 2019 than it had been in 530… for most people.

Little did any of these new generations know that there existed a long, lost art that would perfectly complement any advance that man had made:

Magic.

Merlin sighed as he looked out over Avalon. “The more things change, Arthur, the more they stay the same. Just as then I am not allowed to be who I was born to be. My talents are wasted. My life is a waste. Look at me. Here I sit, day after day, waiting for you to come back to me. Percival, Leon, and Gwen all warned me all those years ago that I would go mad if I continued thinking that you would one day return. Maybe I have gone mad. I don’t know. What is the purpose of my life if there is nothing to live for? I cannot imagine that there is a deity so evil that it would put me on this earth forever without a reason.”

Merlin wiped away a tear as he heard a particularly loud bark of laughter. Then there was singing. It sounded like _Silent Night_. Merlin wanted to be among them. Oh how he wished he could be with these people, assimilating into twenty-first century life.

He could if he so chose to do so.

All he would have to do is change his appearance and assume a new identity. Goodbye Merlin Emrys, purveyor of magic and devoted servant of King Arthur Pendragon of Camelot. Hello Merlin Emrys, lost and alone soul who very much wanted to fit in.

It would be so easy. 

Yet he would never do this. To give up on Arthur would be unthinkable.

So he would remain that devoted servant, even though he hadn’t served his king in centuries.

He hummed the now familiar tune and allowed himself more tears. Oh how he missed Arthur.

“Wake up, Merlin. You’re going to make us late to the Yule feast,” said an insistent, familiar voice from somewhere near, yet far, far away.

Merlin opened an eye, his heart beating so fast that he thought he was sure to pass out. Where was he? And who was that talking to him? They had known his name.

It had sounded like Arthur. But…

“Come on, sleepy head. It’s not my fault you and Gwaine had a contest to see who could down the most mead this afternoon. I did warn you it was too early to start celebrating, did I not?”

Merlin began to shake. The voice. It _was_ Arthur. Dream. It had all been a dream. Merlin had dreamed that Arthur was dead. It had seemed so real. 

He couldn’t help the tears that fell, and when Arthur knelt before him and wiped them away, Merlin couldn’t help hugging Arthur to him as if he would be yanked away in the next second.

Arthur, who had no idea what was going on, seemed to understand that Merlin needed this. “Shhh, Merlin, it’s okay. I don’t know why you are so upset, but I am guessing you had a bad dream. You certainly know I’ve had my share of those. But it’s okay. Whatever you dreamed is not real. I am. I am here.” 

Merlin slowly let go of Arthur and sat up. He was still too emotional to speak, but he nodded as he took in the beautiful person before him, whom he loved more than he loved himself. If he ever lost Arthur…

“Leon will never let me live this down if we do not attend tonight, Merlin,” Arthur said with a bit of laughter as he moved some of Merlin’s fringe from his eyes, “but I think he’ll forgive us if we go wassailing tomorrow with everyone. As much as you love the feast, I don’t think we should get you out tonight. You need me tonight, not the rowdy knights.”

Merlin finally allowed a small smile. “I’ll be fine, Arthur. We can go.”

Arthur shook his head as his fingers traced Merlin’s cheek. “No, not tonight,” he said softly. “I think I need to hold you tonight, and just maybe I need you to hold me.”


End file.
